For the Victorians, Valentine’s Day was a day for couples,
true, but the Victorians also highly valued friendship as well. On Valentine’s
Day, in keeping up with the Victorian’s passion for mementos, friendship
jewelry was regularly exchanged. Popular symbols included an anchor
representing hope and the single word “Mizpah” which meant “The Lord watch
between thee and me when we are absent from one another.” Silver coins were
often engraved with fancy designs, initials and commemorative messages, and
these were worn as pins or pendants. The Victorians enjoyed mementos that
reminded them of cherished relationships and happy times.
As straight laced and rigidly moral as the Victorians
appeared, they were also quite the romantics. Since young ladies were often
shielded by chaperones, it was sometimes difficult for a young man to know
where he stood with his heart’s desire.
Young ladies learned to signal their feelings with various
items of apparel, and the gentlemen quickly caught on. If a lady handed a
gentleman her glove, it meant she accepted him, whereas, if she handed him a
mitten, it told the suitor to give up hope. If she drew her handkerchief across
her check, she was sending a message of love, while twirling the handkerchief
in her right hand meant that she loved another.
Gifts of love included a painted miniature portrait, a
brooch containing a woven lock of hair or a piece of gemstone of particular significance.
Flowers, too, had many meanings and could be used to communicate one’s thoughts
and desires. However, the most important were the written affirmations of the
heart. Letters were akin to personal visits and allowed one to express deep
emotion.
Marriage was the ultimate goal of most young adult’s
aspirations, for Victorians felt that only marriage and children could fill a
house with true love. Their model was their beloved Queen Victoria who was a
wife and mother who put her family above the many affairs of state.
Many poems of that era reflect this sentiment:
Oh may you live happy
The rest of your life
Get a good husband
And be a good wife.
“I often wished to have a friend
With whom my choicest hours to spend,
To whom I safely may impart
Each wish and weakness of my heart.
Who would in every sorrow cheer,
An mingle with my grief a tear,
And to secure that bliss for life,
I’d like that friend to be my wife.
Women have been sewing together for centuries. Mothers and
daughters have gathered around roaring fires on winter evenings, hands busy and
conversation lively. Groups of ladies
have combined their efforts onto single quilts made for dear friends, those in
need or a lucky bride. Today, I had the
opportunity to participate in a modern version of this ancient ritual. At our “sewing
bee,” each lady brought her own sewing machine and project. While the day
included quilting for some, others covered cushions, designed curtains or made a
hammock. But some things do not change. Hands were busy, the conversation
lively, and beautiful and useful items were created.
